You Are Enough And Don't Forget It!

I am a mother of two exceptional children. And yes, I'm biased. Why are they exceptional? It's not their talents, looks, obedience, or intelligence that makes me love them. They are exceptional because they are mine, and I could care less what package they came in.

What I've tried to teach and show my kids is that they are enough. I accept and love them today as I will tomorrow and in the future. Nothing they say or do will change that. Why do I want them to know this?

Because life is hard enough as it is trying to please those who only offer conditional love and acceptance. It's exhausting and debilitating. Truth is, most of us would figure out who we are and what we want a lot faster if we were allowed to simply just be.

When I was a little girl, I felt invincible. I could be anyone. Do anything. I was the coolest, feistiest,  red-head on the block. It didn't matter that my mom gave me a mullet every time she cut my hair or that my clothes were hand-me-downs. I strutted my stuff anytime, anywhere. (I still do that sometimes...to the horror of my children, except without the mullet.)

But, why not? Why can't we just simply be? Even if it means staring at the wall for 30 straight minutes when we think we should be practicing French or recording and measuring every ounce of food we ate that day. Or dancing in the grocery store while my children run away in utter humiliation.  In this world, most of us are constantly striving and trying to become someone else, even if we are told it will be a better version of ourselves. "Don't stop." "Don't quit." "The new you is right around the corner." What's wrong with the me now? I kinda like me. Is that wrong?

All that motivational crap is only good if it's WHAT YOU WANT. It should never be about what anyone else wants for you or thinks you should do. Stop striving to be someone else, because the someone you are now is pretty cool! In all your glory, with your jagged edges, scars, open wounds and all, you are SOMEBODY!

Loving and accepting your imperfect self is HARD work. In fact, I am still on this journey. It is tough, with all the voices in my head and people pulling me in a million different directions. It's hard to know what is yours and what is crap.

Like I tell my kids, "If someone gets in your bubble, tell them to step off!"

If they don't like you, who cares? I think you're awesome, but that doesn't matter either. You have to think you're awesome and truly believe it! The world is made up of people in a variety of flavors. We weren't all meant to be vanilla. How dull and meaningless life would be if that was the case. Me? For years, I thought I had to be vanilla, but Rocky Road suits me best, and I'm still learning to be ok with that:)

Which HARD Are You Going To Choose?

First of all, do you WANT to change? Because if you don't, there's no need to continue reading this article. And that's ok. Sometimes we just need to simply be, without trying to look for something to fix. With all the pressure that society puts on us to conform or change, just remember, ultimately you decide. 

If real, lasting change is to occur, you have to really want it. So much that no external or internal influence can stop you. And when you finally arrive at a choice that is all you, your will and power takes on a new strength of its own. A strength you never knew you had, an unstoppable force to be reckoned with.

Life is change. Sometimes we can control it. Other times we can't. Either way, when we adapt to those changes, we grow, though often pain precedes that growth. 

Change is hard. And many times, there are no short cuts. We have to be willing to travel right through the center of that struggle to earn the greatest rewards. And to do that, we have to act, to choose.

What choices do you have? It's helpful to look and analyze what you have in front of you, especially those difficult choices. Where will they take you? Where do you want to go? Why do you want to go there? What is it going to take to get there? 

So, which path are you going to take? Which HARD are you going to choose? I've asked myself that question many times in my life when I've had important decisions to make. One path may seem impossible to bear at the beginning, yet, farther down the road looks better and brighter, while, another path, fairly easy and fun at the beginning, gets old and stale, turning bleak as the effects of choices take their tole and turn into more suffering. 

Client #1

Years ago, a woman named Amy came to me for help with nutrition. Her health was in jeopardy, and she needed to lose 60 pounds. Her doctors diagnosed Amy as pre-diabetic and hypertensive. With a waist circumference of 45 inches, she also had metabolic syndrome. She had constant joint pain from the extra weight, suffered from insomnia, and experienced a high level of stress from her job.

I feared for her life if she didn't start making changes soon. I didn't see how her health would turn around if she didn't start eating better. Amy's doctors had scared her to death. She knew what diabetes would do to her and how it would affect her high-stress job and raising her small children. She had a desire to change, more out of fear, but that wasn't enough. 

After a few weeks, she gave up. She said it was too hard. She didn't have enough time to eat breakfast or make healthy meals. 

I asked her when she came to me frustrated, "Amy, you have two paths in front of you. Both are hard. Which hard are you going to choose?"

I didn't see her again after that. I hope she's well. At that point, she wasn't ready. However, I think a seed was planted, and hopefully one day...maybe today...she is ready. 

Client #2

On the flip side, I have another client who has lost over 40 pounds in 6 months. It hasn't been easy for her, and she's faced many of the same obstacles many of my other clients have faced. Yet, Kristina came in ready and on fire! She's never looked back. It's been thrilling for me to be a part of her journey and transformation. She is truly an inspiration. Great job Kristina!!

Baby Steps

You decide if you're ready or not. But, don't let FEAR stop you! You don't have to tackle big things or everything all at once. It's ok to take small steps, even if they can only be seen through a microscope. haha. You're still heading in the right direction!

And don't worry about what someone else is doing. Let them go ahead and solve world hunger. Today, all you need to focus on is putting one foot in front of the other...metaphorically speaking of course. 

If all you can do is focus on that one thing, so be it.You're already on the right track. After you tackle one goal, move on to the second, and then the third. Go at your own pace. Here's a sample list of weekly goals. (You can do them daily, weekly, or monthly, whatever works for you.) 

1.       Drink 8 glasses of water a day.
2.       Exercises 3 days.
3.       Eat 3 veggies a day.
4.       Get 8 hours of sleep.
5.       Do 2 strength training workouts.
6.       Cut out added sugars: cookies, candy, sweets, etc.
7.       Eat 6 small meals a day.

Get the idea? Now make your own list. 

I would like feedback on this one. What path are you taking to nutrition and wellness? Are you stuck? Do you need a kick in the pants or some kind words to get you going again? I can do both!!!:)

Crash and Burn: Labor-Day Tread Workout!!

I am not your average fitness guru. I aim to draw blood, sweat, and tears!! Bring you to the edge of reason, oblivion, and madness. Yes, you may experience all three in my class.... If you would be so lucky! "Welcome to Hell!" as one proudly wacked-out "treadie" would say to a "newbie." Words so fitting for an hour of ruthless affliction coming from a lady with flaming red hair, unhinged and as crazy as her Monday morning crazies. 

If you are still living after Monday's CRASH AND BURN session, show your face! 

Have no fear! You may be the lone survivor...haha! 

So dare you try this? Are you afraid? YOU SHOULD BE!!!!! It will drive you to the brink, and if you have any backbone at all you will fight back, you will stay on course.... You will finish!!! All the while listening to Metallica's "Master of Puppets" and "Fight Fire with Fire" of course.

After 5 minute warm-up:

1.  90 sec       full sprint (100% max) repeat 1 and 2, four times.
2.  90 sec       recovery  (jog or walk)
3.  90 sec       full sprint on 5 grade hill (100% max) repeat 3 and 4, four times.
4.  90 sec       recovery  (jog or walk)
5.  20 sec       full sprint on 12 grade hill (100% max) repeat 5 and 6, eight times
6.  10 sec       recovery  (straddle treadmill)
7.  90 sec       recovery  (jog or walk)
8.  90 sec       full sprint on 10 grade hill (100% max) repeat 7 and 8, four times.
9.  60 sec       recovery  (jog or walk)
10. 3 min       5 k pace  (80% of max) 
11. 1 min       recovery  (jog or walk)
12. 80 sec      400 meter sprint (.250 miles) repeat 12 and 13, two times
13. 80sec       recovery  (jog or walk) 
14. 2 min      walk then stretch for 5 minutes

If you're thinking, "Hell's Bells" I'm not doing this, then good, you probably couldn't hack it. Just keepin' it real my lovelies. But, if you're like my T-house pack of crazies then you know how to roll, punch after brutal punch. 

So GET CRACKIN. If you're one of the lucky ones who makes it past the burning, raging fire in your legs, throat, arms, backside, and lungs, you've earned your stripes and have become the best of the best, a tried and true ATHLETE!

BRING IT!!!!!!!!

Be OK With You!

I love this picture. It conjures up a life I once knew as a little girl with red hair, freckles, and giggles. So innocent, happy, and carefree. At age 6, my self-worth was impenetrable. I knew I had it goin' on and nobody could tell me otherwise. haha. Especially after I got first place in my kindergarten class hoola hoop contest. I literally remember thinking, I am awesome! (I still have that blue ribbon and I will still say loud and proud that that was one of my finest accomplishments!)

Sadly, as the years rolled by I began to listen and believe what others said about me, or treated me. When I was 8 years old my family and I moved to the Washington D.C. area. Being a minority in an almost an all black school, I learned pretty quickly to keep my eyes down. Eye contact got you in trouble. Really. Pasty white kids like me were the target. Every day I lived in fear starting from boarding the bus in the morning until getting off in the afternoon. Ever see the movie, "Lean On Me?" The high school portrayed in that movie was my school experience. I can still feel the deep knots in my stomach thinking back to those years.

I learned to disappear in order to survive. Literally. This is pathetic, I know, but I remember many days eating my lunch in the bathroom to avoid taunting from the other kids. I further avoided any activities where I would stand out. It worked pretty well for 5 years, until I moved to California and found my voice.

At first it was strange for me to speak, to laugh, to participate in normal school activities without the threat of being beaten up. It was weird to go to school and not be in the middle of a war zone. I felt free to be me. Finally. But, who was I?

And that's not the first or last time I have asked myself that question. Who am I? Am I of value? Worth? Do I matter? What do I value? Why am I here? 

Over the years, I've worked with many people who have had these same questions. And many of them didn't see their own value. They couldn't accept how truly awesome they were and are. It was so frustrating for me, because I saw their "awesomeness" so clearly. They just didn't believe it. Sound familiar? Do you accept and approve of you? Or are you only conditionally self approving? "I will approve of myself only when I...." lose 10 pounds; beat my last time; make more money; stop drinking diet coke;) Really?

Do you know anyone that is perfect? I don't. Personally, I think flaws make a person more beautiful, more dynamic and interesting. Sure, it's a great thing to want to be a better person, to work towards perfection. But, enjoying the journey along the way is the real adventure, learning and growing while striving to be the best version of yourself. So be ok with you. Now. And please don't beat yourself to a bloody pulp when you make mistakes or things don't go as planned. 

Going back to the poster up above. Happy girls are the prettiest! That's what I'm told. And I believe it. And adding further....Happy, confident girls are even prettier. Sure you have quarks, maybe a quick temper, impatient, a slow driver, a bad cook, or maybe you're too freaking sensitive.

But you are you. And nobody can be better at you than you. Don't let anyone tell you you're not OK. You are OK! And YOU are awesome!!!

Kelly's Amazing Weight loss Success!

First off, my hat is off to Kelly (my client) for being such a brave soul, allowing me to post his freakishly amazing results! Kelly, you rock!! Congrats my friend!

I've worked with Kelly for a few months now. He came to me ready to work hard and do whatever it took to make real and lasting changes to his physique, health, and lifestyle.  

He jumped in with both feet and in just a couple of months, 

Kelly's Results:

- went from 174 to 152 lbs

- went from 27% to 14.6% body fat

- went from pant size 34 loose cut to 31 slim fit

Questions For Kelly:

1. What was your weekly fitness regiment before you started training with Melissa? Almost nothing. Basketball 1 to 2 times per week. 

2. Why did you decide to hire a trainer? I wanted to get healthier for myself, kids, and my wife. I was tired of packing around an unattractive gut. I wanted to stop cringing when I looked in the mirror. 

3. Besides losing weight and body fat, what are some other changes you've noticed from training and nutrition counseling? I feel younger. My sex life and marriage are better. I'm generally a happier person. Personal training, exercise, and diet paired with accountability to someone who knows how and what to do is a life changer.

What is the definition of insanity? "Doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result."

Making changes are never easy, especially when it comes to breaking bad habits. It's never too late to make your life, your health, a priority.  

Kelly is proof that with hard work, dedication, and a little humility, you can make significant improvements in your health.

When is the best time to start?

Today. Right now. What do you have to lose?

Why Get Up?

I'm taking a little diversion from what I normally write. That's what's so great about having my own blog--I get to write what I want:)

I'm going to share a piece of my life with you today. Very personal. I'm not sure what you'll get out of it. But, my intent is that you find hope in whatever ails you. That when you're knocked down, flat on your face, you can find the willpower to stand up.

********

I have two children, ages 13 and 9. Pregnancies for both were extremely difficult. However, the 2nd almost killed me. 

Discovering I was pregnant at week 4, I was elated, yet nervous that this time would be as bad as the last. I had done everything I knew to prepare. Met with countless doctors, herbal practitioners, chiropractors, anyone I felt could help me avoid the pain of the first pregnancy. Years before, I had cut out added sugars, trans fats, and other harmful preservatives and tried to eat as fresh and organic as my budget would allow. I exercised regularly, took my vitamins, and crossed all my t's. I braced for that dreaded 6-week mark.

I remember the day I hit 6 weeks quite clearly. I was in the middle of doing a yoga video when all of a sudden the room started spinning. I literally dropped to the couch right then with an intense wave of nausea. Seconds later, I stumbled into the bathroom vomiting, crying, vomiting, and crying. "Not again. Please God. Not again." 

A day later, after nonstop vomiting and severe dehydration, I was admitted to the hospital for one of many visits. Did the whole IV thing, took a bunch of meds and tests. Then sent home with no answers. Hyperemesis perhaps. But, mine was different. So much more extreme, violent, and even deadly. They had never seen such a case like this before. My own OBGYN told me in all his 30 years of practice, he had never seen a patient so sick.... Not encouraging at all.

After 3 days in the hospital, I went home and immediately started throwing up. Just as I walked into the house, my 3 year old daughter ran up to me for a hug and I lost it. Her touch, her smell, the light from the window, the sounds of people talking in the room overtook me. 

The next day I went back to the hospital and went through a series of more tests. They sent me to the high-risk pregnancy floor where still...no answers. They couldn't figure out why my body was in such turmoil. One doctor prescribed me a steriod (temporarily) he hoped would slow down the vomiting. If that didn't work, a tube would be put in my stomach.

After that visit, I was sent home where a nurse inserted a pic line into my left arm. (And that's a whole other story. Almost bled to death in my bed because she couldn't get it in the right vein. Found out later she was the trainee, after the head nurse showed up and rescued me.) That way I could hook myself up to 4 IV bags during the day and inject various drugs and vitamins into my body through the tube. I was on IV therapy for at least 4 straight months.

Soon after the first hospital stint, I moved in with my parents so they could help care for my daughter. I lived in a dark windowless room in their basement, where the door was always closed, keeping out any source of stimulation that usually ignited the attacks: light, sound, smell, movement. I stayed in there day in and day out for weeks at a time, rarely coming out, laying on my back, looking up to pitch black nothingness and fantasizing of either white sand beaches and crystal blue water or a gunman coming to my room and shooting me dead. I know. Extreme. I'd vacillate between hope and despair some days.

It was hell. I was imprisoned in my own body and couldn't escape. One day my daughter came bursting into my bedroom bringing a ray of sunlight, giggles, and chatter with her. In an instant, my mother dashed into the room, grabbing my precious Tatiana and pulled her out screaming and crying, "mommy, hold me. Please!! I want my mommy!" It broke my heart. I couldn't hold my child, let alone be near her. I wanted to die.

This carried on for the whole 9 months. I broke down in hysterics many times feeling so trapped and helpless. I could not remember the last time I had felt well. There were moments I believed I would be stuck in that prison forever, in my body in that dark room in the basement. 

But, somehow I made it through! How? In between fantasizing about beaches and being shot to death, I was praying. Constantly. And yes, I believe God sustained me, emotionally and spiritually. Even though I was literally knocked off my feet and couldn't physically get back up, I had a strong will to keep going. Many times I would tell myself, "This pain is brief. And there is a miracle at the end of it. You are strong. You are brave. You can do this!" I fought hard to stay positive for me, my husband, and my daughter. I would tell them, "I'm Ok. It's just temporary. Just love Tatiana for me. Tell her I'm going to hold her again very soon."

A week before the due date, my son Asher was born. As soon as he came out, I felt an instant rush of relief. No more pain. (I remembered that I liked cheeseburgers and french fries!) While at  the hospital I had both my "babies" in bed with me, holding and kissing them. What a gift. I had made it through! And I had two very precious pearls after all that suffering. I felt and still feel so incredibly blessed to be their mother.

After that pregnancy, I knew I could handle anything. Though my body was in ruins (60 lb weight gain and no muscle, strength, or energy), my husband had lost his job, we were losing our house, and were dirt poor, I was ok. I had my family and my beautiful healthy babies. I was happy.

********

Since that time years ago, I've been knocked off my feet many times. Some have been atomic-bomb worthy, almost killing me. I didn't want to get back up. I thought, just finish me off. The pain is too much to bear and I'm going to just lay here until I die. Yet, I found the will to get back up. I don't ask God anymore, why me? Why again? I take my trials, my scars, as badges of honor as I look back and see what I've survived. I did that! I made it through. I'm better, wiser, stronger, happier today because I chose to get up out of that sh** and fight.

We all have battles, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual. And if you think you're the only one who has problems, you're dead wrong. So accepting the fact that life is hard sometimes, what do we do? Do we run and hide? Do we stuff it and pretend it's not there? Or do we face it, head on?

I'm reading the book, "The Road Less Traveled," by M. Scott Peck, M.D. Extremely profound and eye opening. Has helped me deal with a lot of emotions and difficulties in my present. This is one of many excerpts that ring true for me:

"Problems are the cutting edge that distinguishes between success and failure. Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and our wisdom. It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually. When we desire to encourage the growth of the human spirit, we challenge and encourage the human capacity to solve problems....It is through the pain of confronting and resolving problems that we learn. As Benjamin Franklin said, 'Those things that hurt, instruct.'"

I've been lucky to know many courageous men and women in my life who have walked through the center of their pain and emerged valiantly on the other side. They didn't take short cuts. They didn't run and hide. They fought, believing that their fight was worthy because they had hope for better things to come. For a life enhanced, clearer, more peaceful and authentic. I've watched many of these good people get knocked down repeatedly only to get back up and face their dragons with defiance. You are not going to get the best of me! I am of value. I am of worth. I will fight.

Fight for what? For truth. For peace. Clarity. Goodness. Love. Integrity.Virtue. I don't think we ever truly arrive, yet the journey can be just as fulfilling, eye opening, and beautiful.

Melissa's Healthiest Fast Food List

OK, so I had a request from one of my fabulous clients to put together a list of my "healthiest fast food" picks. And let me just say, it was no easy task. The reality is, if you want to eat clean, stay home and eat. However, I realize that with our extremely busy and dynamic lifestyles, many of us don't always have that option.

So, when your hands are tied, and you're stuck out and about needing healthy "on-the-go" options, I have a few. Mind you, it took me hours to sift through countless menu items trying to find what I felt was acceptable for weight loss, or general health. It was tough, because "fast food" is so high in fat, calories, and sodium. I was shocked to find that many of the salads I like and once thought "healthy" were loaded with fat (over 30g), sodium (1,200mg), and calories (1,500)!!

Still, when in a bind, there are still things you can find:)

1. Noodles and Company
     - Spaghetti,  340 calories, 510 mg sodium, 9 g fat, 12 g protein, 3 g fiber, 53 g carbohydrate
     - Chinese Chop Salad, 190 calories, 440 mg sodium, 11 g fat, 2 g protein, 3 g fiber, 19 g carbohydrate.
     - Bangkok Curry, 260 calories, 480 mg sodium, 8 g fat, 4 g protein, 4 g fiber, 42 g carbohydrate.

2. Cafe Rio
     - Chicken Salad w/o dressing, 525 calories, 135 mg sodium,  3.4 g fat, 26.7 protein, 0 g fiber, 101.6 g carbohydrate.
   
3. McDonalds
     - Premium Caesar Salad with Grilled Chicken, 190 calories, 580 mg sodium, 5g fat, 27 g protein, 10 g carbohydrate.
     - Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad, 290 calories, 650 mg sodium, 8 g fat, 27 g protein, 28 g carbohydrate.
     - Fruit and Yogurt Parfait, 150 calories, 70 mg sodium, 2 g fat, 4 g protein, 30 g carbohydrate.
     - Chipotle BBQ Chicken Snack Wrap, 250 calories, 670 mg sodium, 8 g fat, 16 g protein, 27 g carbohydrate.
     - Honey Mustard Chicken Snack Wrap, 250 calories, 650 mg sodium, 8 g fat, 16 g protein, 27 g carbohydrate

4. Taco Bell
     - Fresco Chicken Soft Taco, 150 calories, 460 mg sodium, 3.5 g fat, 2 g fiber, 11g protein, 18 g carbohydrate
     - Fresco Grilled Steak Soft Taco, 160 calories, 430 mg sodium, 4.5 g fat, 2 g fiber, 11g protein, 19g carbohydrate.

5. Subway
     - 6" B.L.T. sandwich, 320 calories, 680 mg sodium, 9 g fat,  5 g fiber, 15 g protein,  43 g carbohydrate
     - 6" Oven Roasted Chicken sandwich, 320 calories, 640 mg sodium, 5 g fat, 5 g fiber, 23 g protein, 47 g carbohydrate.
     - 6" Veggie Delite sandwich, 230 calories, 310 mg sodium, 2.5 g fat, 5 g fiber, 8 g protein, 44 g carbohydrate.
     - Turkey Breast Mini Sub, 180 calories, 460 mg sodium, 2 g fat, 3 g fiber, 10 g protein, 30 g carbohydrate.

 A few other tips when you eat out:

1.  Ask for dressing on the side. Most dressings are loaded with fat, calories, and sodium.
2.  Drink a full glass of water before you take your first bite.
3.  Anything with rice is going to be full of sodium. If you need the rice, as for half the normal amount.
4.  Ask for extra veggies.
5.  Leave out the cheese and sour cream, or ask for it on the side.
6.  Order smaller portions or split meal with someone else.
7.  Always ask server for restaurant's nutrition information.
8.  Pay close attention to sodium and fat content. Remember 2,400 mg sodium is the recommended  Upper Limit (UL) for daily dietary allowances.
9. Ask for grilled, baked, barbecued, steamed, not fried or lathered in sauces.
10. Ask if pasta comes whole wheat or gluten free.