I've had the pleasure of knowing and working with Shokai now for about two years. She is an amazing person who glows from the inside out. She exudes light and positivity, and you can't help but want to be around her. It baffles me that she was ever "self destructive," dark, and depressed, as she has described herself before. What a transformation! As you read her story I hope the biggest thing you'll learn from her experience is that she was able to lose the weight and keep it off when she learned to love and accept herself unconditionally. She did that BEFORE she lost the weight. One of the first questions I ask my weight loss clients is, "Will you be happy once you lose the [30] pounds?" "Uh.....I don't know. I hope." There is so much more to it.
Years ago when I was in my 20's my therapist asked me, "Would you rather be fat and happy or skinny and miserable?" At that time I was struggling with bulimia and extremely obsessed with my weight. I remember thinking, duh, skinny and miserable! Seriously??! Did I really think that? Well, my friends I've come along way. Just like Shokai. And hopefully many of you. I've chosen rather to be Fit and Happy!!
With the New Year's Resolution season upon us, let's hit the iron while it's hot. I challenge you this year to be your own success story. Just like Shokai. Yes, this refining and polishing process is hard. But, find the will and strength knowing that so many people out there have conquered the weight loss beast. Learn from them. Get inspired. Get motivated. Get crackin!! 2013 is your year to turn the page and make those huge leaps forward.YOU CAN DO IT!!
My questions for Shokai:
1. How long did you struggle
with your weight before you were able to take it off for good?
I was tall
and developed early so I was bigger than most of the other kids starting in 6th
grade. When I look at pictures I was quite thin but didn’t feel that way. I was
active. On swim team and did gymnastics. I also started dancing in Jr. high and
did it through high school. I was in a dance company in San Francisco my senior
year. That was when my body image really took a dive. Being the biggest dancer
was not fun. I was 5 foot 8 and only 135 lbs. And even though that was
extremely thin for my height, I became bulimic. I remember my brother telling
me once that I wasn’t fat. I was just “thick.” Uh…not helpful! When I went to
college I put on a lot of weight. That is when I started my true battle with
weight loss. In my 20’s and 30’s ,I “yo-yo-ed” between 145 and 180 lbs. I lost
weight quickly after my first baby at age 27, but after the second one I just
kept putting the weight back on. Finally, I was able to turn things around in
my 40’s.
2. How many different diets did
you try? Why did they fail?
I have done Weight Watchers
several times and was quite successful while on the plan. I also tried Atkins,
lost a bunch of weight, but hated it. (I don’t like meat that much.) Sometimes
I would fast for a few days to “kick-start” things. I also tended to bounce
from very healthy eating to emotion driven, compulsive eating. That was a great
way to prove once again I was worthless. With this self-sabotage I was
punishing myself for perceived character flaws. I think the “diets” ultimately
failed because I was still unsettled, confused, and self-loathing. I was
finally able to lose the weight for good when I started loving and accepting
myself without limitations, without punishment.
3. What was the turning point
for you?
About three years ago I was
at my heaviest, 215ish. After another emotionally devastating summer vacation
spent at the lake and the beach, I came home and joined a health club. I
realized that I had no energy and was too ashamed of the way I looked to enjoy
the time with my family. I wouldn’t get up and play on the beach with them for
fear of jiggling around too much. I was not healthy or happy and I was brining
everyone down. I also didn’t want my boys to have that as a role model for a
mother, wife, or woman, an unhappy person just going through the motions. I
decided I needed to make some changes. And I made those changes public to my
family. We share a bathroom, so I put a spreadsheet with 12 months on it and a
box for each day on the bathroom mirror. I wrote my weight in the first box and
put in my weight each day after. I started taking group fitness classes at the
gym and became more conscious of what I ate. I lost the first 40 pounds in 10
months, on my own!
After the first 40-pound
lost, I reached a frustrating plateau and dropped out of the gym for a bit. After
a couple months, I recommitted and started taking dance classes. One of which
was a hip hop class taught by my trainer Melissa Garcia. I started training
with her soon after. Melissa was fiercely committed to me as I explained my
struggle with weight loss and my desire to get to my goal of 145. At the time I
was 165+. Melissa created individualized weekly meal plans for me as well as
workouts that would speed up fat loss as well as muscle strength. I was also
taking Tamara’s Tamjams classes where she taught me to be more accepting, joyful,
and peaceful about myself.
After a couple months of
working with Melissa, I lost 20 more pounds, 10 percent body fat, and 2 pants
sizes. She also motivated me to run my first 5k!
4. What do you think held you
back from reaching your goal the first few times?
I think it
was all in my mind. I just put too much energy into negative thoughts, “what if
I get to my idea weight and I’m not magically better?” What then? I needed to
realize was that I should be good with myself BEFORE I could truly change my
health and body. I had to really appreciate how the weight loss would affect my
life. Being thin wouldn’t make me happy if I was the same self destructive,
negative person I was when I was heavy. For me, I had to forgive and love
myself NOW, so I could LET GO of the weight. Without dealing with those
thoughts and emotions first I don’t think I would have been able to maintain
the weight loss.
5. What motivates you to stay in
shape now?
Well, first of all I feel
soooo much better when I’m living a healthy life. I can go to the lake and have
a great time because I feel confident with how I look and I have the energy to
run, swim, and play with my family. My family looks up to me. Because I eat
healthy and workout, they want to as well. I’m also motivated to stay in shape,
because I’m tired of “restarting.” I’m finding the older I get the harder it is
to get back in shape once I stop.
Plus, if I do get sidetracked
a bit I know Melissa will be there to push me. This past October I participated
in her Operation Lose It Fat Loss Challenge. Work was very stressful and taking
over my life. I was starting to put on weight again and neglecting my health.
“OLI” was the perfect program to keep me on track. Having Melissa’s unwavering
support with her perfect mix of knowing when to be tough and push and when to
listen and support helped me tremendously. I think one of the most successful
aspects of the program for me was training with all the other participants.
Working out with “the girls” was a huge motivating factor. They kept me honest
and accountable. I also learned so much from them…their struggles, ideas, tips,
and stories. We also celebrated our successes together and helped each other
when things were tough. As a result of Operation Lose It, I lost 10 pounds of
body fat, gained muscle, and increased my metabolism. Melissa made sure I was
losing fat, not muscle, so the weight would stay off for good. I’m 44 years old
and am in the best shape in my life!!
Me and my hip hop Halloween crew!!
Shokai and me far left
